Papa Kehte Hain...

“A parent’s love for her children is unconditional,” says Jodie Foster in a recent interview, “I don’t think the reverse is true...".

The word unconditional has intrigued me since the time I read What to Expect When You're Expecting -- the bible for first-time Dads-to-be (and Mom's-to-be too, I am sure), at least in the U.S. -- and the weight and beauty of that word has stayed with me ever since. "What do you like best about being a new Dad?", asked a friend some years later while expecting his own first-born and I replied, "Knowing that your child loves you unconditionally", borrowing from the book.

I have experienced that love first-hand and although my kids are older now -- only elementary-age, thankfully -- and our conditionality(?) with each other seems to be on the rise (homework, clean-up, Wii, pets and more), I am sure that I still see evidence that I might be needed without conditions. So does that change? Or should the question be, "when" does that change...?

I have been very close to my own Dad as far back as I can remember, but things had changed somewhere along the way. Hurt and anguish dominated my feelings more than the deep love that I had always felt for him. I found myself wanting to differentiate from him -- his work philosophy and ethics seemed different than mine, our temperaments seemed polar opposites, he seemed to have favorites among his children and I felt I wasn't one -- little things like that, which seemed to be adding up. The sentiments expressed in The Living Years by Mike And The Mechanics seemed to ring true with my own feelings. I had returned home driven by nostalgia and the desire to have my own children grow up with their grandparents, but the charm started to wear off and I was soon and again, a fish out of water.

I recently made a trip to India after some years, and I was surprised by the effect it had on me. My Dad was the same person I had known for decades except for the few added wrinkles; still working hard, still being a rock of support for his family & friends, and -- it dawned on me -- still loving his children unconditionally. The change, if any, was in my own perceptions and expectations from him over the years. I was still being demanding of him, judging him, expecting to be treated like I was more entitled than others for his love, and suggesting essentially that a life full of giving was not enough to make me happy. My trip helped me to make peace with my own resentments and grudges; there is no longer a doubt in my mind that my Dad deserves to lead his life by his own values, bond with each of his children differently, and really live his life as he wishes to without being questioned, critiqued or judged by his children anymore. My trip helped me to go back, perhaps for the first true time after my adolescence, to loving my Dad unconditionally!